When my client told me how he survived all these years all by himself,
It dawned on me how many more men were out there surviving all on their own.
These men eventually become emotionally unavailable to everything and everyone around them.
This is because they have learned to soak the emotions in and made to feel weak when they talk about their fears.
This was the case of my client whose wife threatened to leave with his son because he wasn’t available for them.
He was confused; they went for vacations, he spent on them and gave them the best that life could offer, so what was the problem?
His wife says he is devoid of emotions and doesn’t communicate his feelings…
She wants more; a present and an available husband.
He doesn’t know how to feel more than he is already feeling.
“Teach me how to feel” He cried. “She says I am with them but never really there. How can I be there more than I already am?”
Here in lies the question; how does he begin to feel?
He wasn’t allowed to feel as a child, why start now?
He is all grown up now, with his emotions kept in and with no voice.
Isn’t it too late to rewind to childhood? Of course, it isn’t but it will require work.
Maybe if he was allowed to be vulnerable from the start, he won’t have to struggle so hard and his wife would still have a husband, his parents would have a son and his son, a daddy.
Years down the line, he has built a home and a life…but it’s about to come crashing down.
Bottom line…Men should be allowed to feel. They should be allowed to talk and be intentionally heard.
Men should be encouraged to come for therapy. The hurt cuts across both genders. It’s time to stop raising boys who can’t cry. It’s time to stop telling our boys to ‘man up’.
If you are a man reading this; I am hugging you right now.
